I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
