Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize