he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need water and some morals
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