it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
