she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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