He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
