i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
and you said cock pushups were impossible
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
