so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
