For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize