last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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