I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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