were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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