need another drink. this is the easiest way
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
