My cat gives me a boner
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
