i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
