I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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