Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
