I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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