i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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