I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
