I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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