sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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