I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
