when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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