Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
