I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Porn is love you can see.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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