Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
