worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
