I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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