I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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