I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
