Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
