ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
