its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
