i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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