I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
