You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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