you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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