Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
