Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize