Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
