Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
