the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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