when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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