tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize