We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
