Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
