My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
