He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
