I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
