I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
