that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
