K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize