yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
