Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
