Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
