...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
