google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
