my sisters under your porch take her home
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
