i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i will never coherently bang her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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