i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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