omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
