I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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