I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
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