Sorry, I don't speak sober.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
