I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
