I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
