I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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