Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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