question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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