He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
