Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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